I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
