im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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