I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
