sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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