Welp...herpes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
