Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
