So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
