So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
