she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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