she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
