So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
