I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
