Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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