if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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