i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
