just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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