Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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