he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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