Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
