dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
