party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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