I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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