I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
