i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
