forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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