jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Terrible idea I love it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
