Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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