4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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