I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
