Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
