At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
