i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
someone owes me an orgasm
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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