I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
