I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
