Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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