what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
