"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
