Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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