you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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