I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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