im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
