Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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