I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
