Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
