the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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