Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
