I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she peed on how many people?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
