3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
