Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
