But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
