im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
