Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
