.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
