come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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